its not what i want!!

(oho tak jadi tidur. tangan gatal nk menulis lagi setelah baca satu artikel)

pernah dengar kata-kata ni?

"it's not what i want! my parents forced me into this!"

well..obviously if what they forced you to do is haraam, you can object without any doubt but please, no screaming whatsoever.

but here i am speaking of your future that your parents think they know best and decide what you should do. they decide what course should you take, who is your husband and stuff like that, you know..

some of us just follow their parents while some fight for their 'right' to decide their own path of life. some succeed while some not no matter whether they followed their parents or not.

for those who have chosen to follow what your parents think is the best for you, DO NOT REGRET AND BLAME YOUR PARENTS.

i have chosen what my parents asked me to do for my study. i did have my own ambition which was to be a psychologist or maybe an architect or an interior designer. that was what i thought suited me the most. those that i have interest in, arts and humanity. and i really really really dont want to struggle studying science subjects anymore. really dont want to. therefore i said it to my parents that i am not going to be in that sort of field. however i did listen to their arguments. they think i have the potentials to be in the medical field. they think its such a waste for me to have learnt all the science subjects but not to practice them. they think that i will struggle in my carier if i chose to be a psychologist/designer. because according to them its not easy to survive in those fields.

after listening to them, i put most of my ambitions behind. in the UPU form, i even put them as the last 4 choices. the top 3 was SCIENCE (asasi sains hayat UM, praijazah sains UITM, asasi kemanusiaan UIA)..and i really hope i'll get a place in asasi kemanusiaan UIA so that i still have a chance to pursue psychology. they even asked me to apply for JPA when i was so frustrated that none of them were of my interest. well, ada senibina but JPA was calling for an A in 'lukisan kejuruteraan' which i didn't sit for that particular paper. frust gilerr..i was really blank dont know what course to choose. my parents wanted me to pursue medicine but i was really reluctant since i hate the hectic life of a doctor and the working hours are just nonsense. i didnt want to sacrifice my leisure time for medicine (hohoho)..and at that time i was into building a future happy family that i wanted to spend my whole lifetime with them without any interruption. ahh masa tu nak je aku cakap nak jadi surirumah sepenuh masa =,='

in the end i got 4 offers: petroleum engineering (petronas), dentistry (jpa), praijazah sains (uitm), matriks sains hayat (matriks)----->sila lihat, NONE of them were of my interest.

offer petronas sampai dulu. they asked me to go but i refused to. gila apa nak pegi pelantar minyak tengah laut? then offer lain2 pun sampai. my parents wanted me to choose dentistry. gila hape aku tak suka tengok mulut orang. anehnya sume tu saya gak pilih. tapi pilih secara terpaksalah kan. i chose matrikulasi. at least i still have the time to pursue my dream. mak abah bengang. we had a discussion. finally mereka redha dengan pilihan saya. but i didnt feel at peace. i realized all this while i was not good enough as a daughter. i was afraid that i might not be successful in the future. my parents, they did their best to bring me up as good as this. they must have been sacrificed a lot for me. then why not me? only this time. as compared to what they've done, i was actually done nothing for them! i cant stand it anymore.

finally i chose dentistry, at where i am today. no regrets. still trying my best. still struggling to be the best.

persoalannya di sini, bukanlah being such a coward as not being able to pursue your dream but to follow what your parents told you to do. bukan. bukan. nak cakapnya kat sini ialah, WE MADE THE CHOICE. dan bila dah buat choice tuh, be persistent, have a strong will, face the truth that you dont like it but you can try and still be successful, not blaming anyone for that rocky roads u went thru, be positive at all time, remind yourself WHY you are here, have good intention and good expectation, always pray to God to make ease of every difficulties.

memang saya fahamlah bila kita rasa susah nak belajar benda tu, kita start blaming our parents for 'introducing' that toughness to us. kita rasa telah dipaksa ibubapa. padahal kita lupa keududukan Allah dalam every seconds in our life, in every situation there He is. masa kita buat keputusan dulu, apa niat kita untuk pilih that particular decision? apa rasional kita masa memilih? mostly yang follow parents will say "i chose this or that because my parents asked me to"...

so why you chose to follow what they told you to? sebab kesianlah tak sampai hati nak kecikkan hati parents, sebab parents marahlah pilih benda lain, sebab parents tak suka saya ambil course lain, sebab parents suka saya ambil course ini, sebab parents kata this is the best for me, sebab i dont have any choice, sebab i dont know what to choose so my parents simply guide me to what i should choose.

dan keputusan itu KITA yang ambil sendiri tak kiralah apa pengaruh luarnya. dan kita seharusnya ingat apa alasan awal yang buat kita pilih, basically to please parents kan? dan jangan lupa kedudukan Allah dalam kita memulakan langkah terhadap keputusan yang baru dibuat tu. sila renew niat.

ya Allah aku tak suka sangat2 bidang ni. tapi aku buat untuk dapat redha parents aku. bila parents redha, Engkau pun redha ya Allah. timbulkanlah keikhlasan dalam aku menempuh jalan ini. timbulkanlah minatku. timbulkanlah rasa cintaku. hilangkanlah segala perasaan yang negatif ini ya Allah. alhamdulillah, ya Allah. at least alasanku berada di sini bukanlah atas alasan material. tapi atas alasan yang murni, insyaAllah.

positifkan fikiran. orang lain belajar bidang yang mereka minat supaya boleh dapat duit banyak, kawan banyak, glamour, dapat senang lenang, supaya boleh tenggelam dalam kesukaannya padahal tak semua benda yang kita suka tu baik untuk kita. berapa ramai orang yang sangat2 passionate dalam bidangnya sampai lupa kewajipan terhadap Allah dan ummah? sampai lalai dan leka dek tenggelam dalam hal yang sangat dicintainya. at least, ketidakminatan kita kepada bidang kita buat kita ada pause button dalam bekerja. berhenti sebentar untuk tunaikan kewajipan yang lagi besar.

tapi yes, minat itu essential juga. kerja yang sedikit pun akan jadi sangat hambar kalau tak disertai minat. sebab itu doa sangat penting. dekatkan hati selalu dengan Allah. bukankah Allah pemegang hati kita? Dia boleh putarkan hati ini 360 darjah camtu je. bersangka baiklah kepada Allah, kepada ibubapa kita. janganlah kita mensulitkan lagi hati mereka.

kepada adikku maisarah yang bakal menjejak matrikulasi isnin ini, melangkahlah dengan yakin. sesungguhnya keputusan itu telah dibuat olehmu sendiri. anything happens in the future, just do not blame anyone. because the decision was actually made by you. takdir, kamu yang memilihnya. pilihan di tangan kamu! dalam adik beradik saya, saya je yang ikut pilihan parents. tp saya rasa bertuah juga sebab dalam bidang ni saya juga belajar psychology dan saya dah sedar rupanya saya tak minat betul dengan subjek tuh! banyak sangat teori kena hafal. dan dentistry is wayyyyy better than psychology because lagi banyak practical! alhamdulilah Allah dah tunjuk :)....saya masih minat arts tapi untuk leisure je yang mungkin satu masa nanti boleh manfaatkan ummah. insyaAllah..

kepada mak dan abah, alhamdulillah your daughter is coping very well and started to love this field and her patients are just wonderful! saya rasa bidang ni adalah ruang dakwah yang tak boleh dilepaskan. jumpa orang face to face, tunjuk akhlak islam, praktis communication skill, english skill, caring skill, building empathy, protect confidentiality, treat each and everyone sincerely and individually. semua ni skill yang penting kan untuk dakwah? tak boleh hanya teori. kena ada praktis.

and i'm glad to be surrounded with friends yang keep reminding me to DO EVERYTHING BECAUSE OF ALLAH. and also sama2 passionate nak jadi the best muslim dentist/doctor/accountant/pharmacist/teacher. to instill islamic value in our profession is our dream! insyaAllah!

so, in a nutshell, how to survive in our field without passion?

1. have a good intention- redha parents, redha Allah, tolong ummah, kembangkan islam etc (basically biarlah intention kita tu parallel dengan matlamat hidup sebagai khalifah dan 'abid(hamba Allah/ahli ibadah))
2. have a good expectation to Allah n parent- Allah nak bg kita skill yang kita perlukan, Allah tahu apa yang baik untuk kita, parents cuma nak kita ada bright future, parents dah banyak pengalaman, Allah nak selamatkan kita daripada bahaya yang kita tak nampak
3. positive minded- minat akan datang kemudian, ramai je orang yang asalnya tak minat pastu berjaya, kita boleh lakukan!, hidup ini memang Allah jadikan susah maka kita harus kuat, since kita tak minat so pasti akan struggle legi banyak drpd org lain maka tak boleh kalah!
4. have a strong will- jangan lupakan good intention. no matter what i will do my best!
5. be in a condusive environment- environment besar impaknya. cari kawan yang baik, yang boleh bimbing dan nasihat kita, yang tinggi akhlaknya, yang bersemangat untuk menuntut ilmu, yang bersemangat nak kejar ilmu agama juga, pegi conference/pameran/seminar yg berkaitan dgn bidang kita untuk cari minat dan cari inspirasi.