5 years of BDS: completed

Alhamdulillah. Alhamdulillah. Alhamdulillah.

Result is out. And graduation status has been confirmed. I am now a fresh graduate of Bachelor of Dental Surgery ( BDS, 2012) from Uni of Otago, NZ. Yaaayy!!

To hold a degree, it was a long awaited moment. Sejak kecil, pergi konvo aunties, tengok diorang receive scroll on the stage, tengok frame-frame gambar graduation yang tergantung di rumah atuk nenek mahupun rumah relatives, without me knowing it, I have engraved all the pictures in my heart dan menyimpan cita-cita suatu hari I will be just like them. Hihi..Sentimental di situ.

But to receive a degree on BDS was NEVER EVER been in my dream. At least saya bayangkan saya jadi cikgu, arkitek atau doktor. Tapi doktor gigi tak jauhlah jugak beza dengan doktor kan?

Yesterday was my sentimental moment. Fikiran tiba-tiba melayang ke hari pertama masuk sekolah tadika. Membawa cita-cita untuk jadi seorang guru sebab masa tu, itu jelah satu-satunya pekerjaan yang saya tahu huhu. Sebab mak seorang guru, di sekolah juga berdepan dengan guru setiap hari. Kemudian melangkah ke darjah satu, saya membawa cita-cita untuk menjadi seorang arkitek sebab saya baru tahu abah ialah seorang artikek dan saya rasa itu sungguh cool, I've got to draw everyday! Drawing everyday was such a bliss for me during that time. Bila masuk darjah 4, saya disogok dengan kehebatan menjadi seorang doktor. Saya selalu rasa saya ni tak pandai dulu. So saya rasa mustahil untuk saya jadi doktor. Tapi saya minatlah. Lepas tu saya dikelilingi kawan-kawan yang bijak pandai yang semuanya bercita-cita nak jadi doktor kecuali Farhana yang nak jadi pensyarah/pendakwah bebas (masa dengar tu I was like "WOW!!", tak pernah dgr budak nak jadi pendakwah). So saya turut terispirasi nak jadi doktor maka saya kena belajar sungguh-sungguh. Bila dapat 5A dalam UPSR, baru saya rasa yakin untuk mencapai cita-cita saya yang nak jadi doktor itu. Jadi geek pula bila masuk sekolah menengah. Asyik tengok medical tv shows/series je. Asal bukak newspaper, part kesihatan yang akan saya baca dulu sampai saya hampir hafal semua simptom-simptom penyakit yang didedahkan dalam suratkhabar masa tu.

Tapi bila meningkat remaja, saya suka nak buat benda yang lain daripada yang lain. Saya rasa doktor ni ialah cita-cita yang common among students. Masa tu jugak rebel tak nak ambil science stream dah lagi. Bukan jiwa saya. Maka saya mula explore bidang kerjaya lain yang buat parents saya macam "heh?? apa pelik sangat cita-cita tu?"

Saya nak jadi fashion designer. Rejected. Nak jadi interior designer. Rejected. Nak jadi film director. Rejected. Nak jadi arkitek. Rejected. Nak jadi psikologis. Rejected jugak. Habis SPM je, saya buntu nak amik course apa? Dan akhirnya inilah rezeki saya. Dalam bidang pergigian. Betul la, ajal, rezeki, jodoh..semua tu kita tak tahu. Semua tu di tangan Allah.

7 years ago, (lokasi: Perdana Park, sedang berjalan kaki pulang dari sekolah)
Wanny: After SPM aku nak amik course dentistry.
Me: Haa? nak jadi dentist ke? Eee gelilah. Aku paling geli tengok mulut orang. Bukan setakat tengok je, kena bau sekali.

7 years later,
Wanny is a lawyer, I am a dentist.

Takdir.

:)

Rasanya satu dunia dah tahu (hiperbola) yang saya memang tak suka bidang ini. Tapi inilah rezeki saya. Inilah jodoh saya.

“ Dan barangkali kamu membenci sesuatu, padahal ia amat baik bagimu, dan boleh jadi ( pula ) kamu menyukai sesuatu, padahal ia amat buruk bagimu; Allah mengetahui, sedang kamu tidak Mengetahui.” ( Al Baqarah : 216 )

1st year dentistry:

Putus cinta di bulan pertama pengajian. Rasa tak berdaya lagi nak sambung belajar. Failed my first semester. Promised myself not to fail ever again. Pulun for my 2nd semester. Tp since I missed a lot of lectures, I wasn't satisfied with my level of understanding and my ability to grasp the basics. However miraculously I passed and I thought that was not out of my efforts but only with the help from Allah. I cried. First, because I passed. Secondly, because I know I have to continue my struggle in dentistry (ingatkan kalau fail, boleh tukar course muehehe)

2nd year dentistry:

Things got tougher and tougher. Bukan lagi masa untuk membaca dan pergi lectures tetapi juga kena attend simulation labs untuk menajamkan skill. The toughest phase of dentistry. Bukan je dental stuff, medical stuff pun kena master jugak. Yang aneh, medical skills pun kena master. Kena perform medical examinations for each body systems. Terasa susahnya nak bernafas. Masa tu jugak baru masuk usrah betul-betul. Mula nampak arah tuju hidup. Baby steps towards Allah dan Islam.

I passed once again and I cried. Because I thought I can no longer change my course. Muahaha.

3rd year dentistry:

Final year di IMU. Pada saya, itulah phase paling senang. Paling relax. Medical part cuma kena hadam musculoskeletal system je. Selebihnya dental. Mula masuk clinical jugak. Teruja akhirnya boleh praktis on real patients.

Semester kedua, berangkat ke Dunedin. Sambut 2nd phase of dentistry kat Uni Otago, NZ. Banyak jugak yang kena catch up since kami join the rest of the third year students di tengah-tengah jalan. IMU punya facilities canggih whereas Otago punya facilities quite old. Back to basic. Goodbye to high technology.

I passed and I told myself  "do not turn back"

4th year dentistry:

Another difficult stage. Semua modul di'cramp'kan dalam setahun untuk diuji dalam exam. Perio, restorative, endodontics, paeds, surgery, oral patho dan macam-macam lagi (tak nak ingat. haha)

I passed but I really want to quit dentistry and pursue my original dream. But then I stop and reflect "Allah has made my journey in dentistry so easy that I miraculously passed every exams although quietly I wish I didn't. huhu. I scold myself for being soooo ungrateful. I have one strong reason to quit but I have many other reasonable reasons to stay. So once again I told myself "Just Do It". This is where I belong. Dentistry.

sila boikot NIKE. thank you. (baru tahu hari ni huhu)

5th year dentistry:

Another relaxing stage. Hampir 90% clinical. Tiada lectures kecuali a few yang related to our future. Ada placement kat Gisborne yang quite interesting. Ada research project dan ada a few written assignments. Ada baaaanyaakk cuti sebab saya kaki mintak cuti. Hoho..Kondisi kesihatan yang tak memberangsangkan merisaukan saya boleh ke saya habiskan semua requirement. A week before exam pun asyik terbaring in my spinning world, tak boleh study. Miraculously, again, alhamdulillah dapat menamatkan pengajian.
__________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ ____________

Through all the journey, all credit goes to Allah. I won't be here without Allah's assistance. He eased my journey because He truly knows what is best for me no matter how much I put on rebelling. When I told myself I can't go through all this, He was the one who lifted up every single thing that burdened me. Despite all that, I am still not truly devoted to him and at times went astray. May Allah forgive me and May He always guide me to the straight path. May He put me among the selected ones to enter His Jannah.

Much credit goes to my parents who kept praying for me and supported me all the way through ups and downs, thick and thin.

The rest goes to my family and friends. I have received a lot of advice and motivations from them. I even got scolded by some of them for my bad attitude. Though some were quite harsh, I took them seriously and tried to improve. I don't need those who talked behind my back but those who can tell everything straight on my face. I truly appreciate their presence and I believe their prayers have been listened and answered by Allah. I'll pray for all of you, May Allah reward you with the best reward :)

My effort? I only pushed myself a little bit harder, a bit inconsistently and thus I, myself did not deserve such honor and the right to claim my effort and success. It's not from me. It's all from Him and everyone else's constant prayers.

So, rahsia kejayaan? Nil. I am not a good student nor a good dentist-to-be. I dont have the right attitude to become one. I always admire the efforts made by my friends and tried to become just like them but I can't..yet. But I'll learn along the way. Because for me, success is a long journey and does not end here. And to graduate for me is not a success but another achievement in life. This is just a beginning. And reaching perfection is almost impossible since my belief is that perfection is a journey, not a destination.

The only secret I can tell is, persevere. Do not give up. Be strong and be patient. And only Allah can give you that strength and patience. Paksa diri but know when to take a break.

And what made me survive? Usrah :)